


All's Well That Ends Well (In This Case)

by grimdark_and_psycho



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Bullying, Demons, Drug Use, Espionage, Fights, Fluff, Gay, Humanstuck, Injury, Kissing, Lesbian Character, Marijuana, Multi, Satanism, Self-Harm, Shipping, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5407154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimdark_and_psycho/pseuds/grimdark_and_psycho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school stuck AU with drama. Trigger warnings: self-harm and drug use.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Beginning,

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update this ASAP. Please don't hate me if I don't do so.

Three figures reclined around the Vantas kitchen table. As was the usual, Mr. Vantas was eating, Karkat was scowling, and Kankri was talking. Karkat got up and took the plates to the sink, mentally preparing himself for another hour or so of lectures. Kankri was rather worked up over the boisterousness of one of his classmates. Alex wondered why as he returned to the table and the (one sided) discussion. The topic had changed to the decline of public schooling while he was away, and he could tell that this was not going to end soon.

One hour and a half of over exaggerated speech later, Karkat stumbled up the stairs to his room. Oi, his head hurt. Why did he bother listening to Kankri blather on? But Karkat knew that he would never tell Kankri to shut up, because they were brothers, after all. Then, Karkat’s sensitive ears detected a faint sound. He pressed his ear against the wall to listen, and heard his brother. Since he could not make out exactly what was being said, he moved over to that thin spot between their walls. Still nothing. He crept out of his room and over to Kankri’s door, eager to pick up on why Kankri was keeping his voice down.

“Do you promise?”

“Okay, but what will I tell my dad?”

It sounded, to Karkat’s ears, like Kankri was on the phone.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Okay then, but just this once, and we have to keep it short.” 

“Alright then, I will see you there.”

Karkat pulled a quick abscond away from the doorway. Who could Kankri have been talking to? He didn’t talk this way with anyone. He followed in the shadows as Kankri walked downstairs.

“Hey dad, may I meet someone for ice cream?”

Ice cream? Karkat wanted more information. Creeping silently down the stairs, as he often did, he watched Kankri stop to talk to their father, and took his opportunity to exit in a silent manner. Without a sound, he watched from the backseat floor of Kankri’s car as Kankri left the house, got into the car, and started driving. Karkat knew this route well, and so did Kankri. He had to be careful not to be heard, or he would earn himself another month of being grounded and daily discipline lectures. Kankri backed the car into a space in the parking lot.

Karkat waited around five minutes before leaving the vehicle. He slunk around the other cars and hid behind a large truck. It was now or never. He peeked to see Kankri’s visitor. It was no one but Cronus Ampora, the main subject of today’s lectures. Why would Kankri be meeting him, of all people? Karkat slunk around and assumed the typical “I’m waiting for someone” pose, strategically pressing his ear against the wall to catch their conversation. A little bit of shifting, and he had them, loud and clear.

“So, couldn’t resist coming to meet me?”

“This is strictly a disciplinary conversation, Cronus.”

“Sure, whatever you say, sweetheart.”

“I will ask you once more to cease and desist with that nickname.”

“Fine with me, sweet cheeks.”

“I am only going to say this once more. We are not a couple, and never will be. This is strictly disciplinary. Do you understand?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the nicknames, but you surely couldn’t have met me here for only discipline.”

“I will admit that I also wanted to get to hear your perspective on several important issues. I was meaning to bring those up the next time we met.”

“So you’ll admit to wanting to see me again. That’s one step closer to admitting your crush on me.”

“While I will state that some of your physical features and speech processes are somewhat … ahem … endearing, I am only attracted to you in a platonic way.”

“So, I’m cute, but no homo? Well, let’s meet at the park tomorrow. I need to get home soon, or my dad’ll flip.”

“Then, I assume that I will see you there, at sometime around 4? I could use a second opinion on my homework.”

Karkat snuck back into Kankri’s car, not believing his ears. His brother had made friends with the kid that he had previously complained about, and that did not seem right. Wanting to get one last peek at the two, he glanced up soon enough to see the two exchange a hug, and then, much to his disbelief, the greaser, Cronus, placed a small kiss on Kankri’s cheek. Karkat quickly ducked down to avoid being spotted as Kankri walked across the parking lot, flustered, yet also smitten, blushing, yet also (as Karkat knew and Kankri didn’t want to believe), flushed.

On the drive home, Karkat was less careful, as he knew that Kankri was distracted. Once he had made it, unseen, back up to his room, thirty short minutes after sneaking into the car. He collapsed onto his bed in awe. Kankri, the one of virtue and discipline, who barely dared condescend to the morals of the normal class, was flushed for someone? Karkat just couldn’t, not with any fiber of his being, believe what he had so sneakily witnessed. And he knew he probably would never truly grasp the imagery and noise so delicately detected by his own eyes and ears.

The next day, after school was finished, Kankri left for the park. As Mr. Vantas was used to both kids being missing in the afternoons, usually working on homework or a project, Karkat left too. He waited till Kankri was long gone, then found his way to the park. He had lots of eavesdropping to do and plenty of juicy secrets to unearth. He glimpsed the two sitting at a bench near the bathroom, so he snuck past them and into the bathroom. He let his super-sensitive ears do the work as he peered out through a gaping hole in the wall.

At 5PM, he made the decision to head for home. All they had done was homework supplemented by the occasional discussion of topics related to their assignments. No discussion of romance, no nothing. Karkat speculated about why his brother would spend time with whom Kankri considered to be scum, the lowest of the low. Karkat thought that he must have some interesting info if Kankri had bothered to deal with him for this long. He thought that he was being sneaky when he left, but the two in question inconspicuously watched him leave.

“Little creep”

“He does seem to enjoy meddling in the business of others.”

“Where’d he learn to creep around like that?”

“That’s an interesting question, for which I do not have the answer. Perhaps he picked it up at school.”

“Okay, babe”

Cronus surreptitiously placed his arm about Kankri’s waist. Kankri didn’t mind. It was chilly outside, being fall, and Cronus’ arm was, in fact, rather warm. They sat like that, unmoving, until Kankri reluctantly admitted that he had to be home in time for dinner, or his father would be rather irritated. Their faces came closer together as they said their goodbyes, and Cronus took his opportunity to give Kankri another goodbye smooch. This time, however, it was on the lips.

As Kankri walked home, he reflected on his feelings towards Cronus. He felt attracted to the other, and did not doubt that this feeling was reciprocated. He wondered whether or not they were boyfriends now. He entered the house and sat at the table, waiting for dinner, and, therefore, his lectures, to begin. It did, and he gave another sermon on behavior. Afterwards, he walked up to his room, hoping all the while that Cronus didn’t hate him for not kissing back. He was so preoccupied with this that he forgot to reprimand Karkat for tailing him again.

The next day, Kankri left to drive himself and Karkat to school. Karkat noticed that through most of the ride, he was silent. He wondered what Kankri could possibly be thinking about. It was probably Cronus. And he was right. Kankri was in fact thinking about seeing Cronus again at school today. As they pulled into the school parking lot, Kankri said, 

“You know, it is inappropriate to tail people to the park and watch them as they do their homework.”  
Karkat didn’t reply. How could Cronus and Kankri have seen him? He wondered about this as he entered the school. He was in fact so preoccupied by it that he bumped directly into someone. And that someone happened to be the school bully, Gamzee Makara. He stepped back and apologized profusely. In reply, Gamzee lifted him by the collar of his shirt, and slammed him directly into a wall of lockers. He then dropped Karkat and kicked him. Karkat hit a classroom door before standing up, crimson blood dampening his shirt and flowing from his nose. He was safe from the menace for now.  
In class and afterwards, no one questioned his nosebleed.  
It was a normal occurance in their grade, since Gamzee’s reign of terror had begun in the first grade, and they were now seventh graders. As he left the main building for lunch, he was quite careful, so not to be caught, but to no avail. Gamzee lunged out from the shadows in which he had been lurking, seizing Karkat by his backpack. Karkat mentally prepared himself for a smackdown. He was carried around to the dumpsters, where no one would see, and officially pummeled. Afterwards, he carefully picked himself up off the concrete, and walked towards the bathroom. In his current state, he was going to need some fixing up.

He entered the bathroom, only to come face to face with Sollux Captor.

“Good god, Vantas, what happened?”

“I ran into the menace, more formally known as Makara.”

“Well, you better fix yourself up quickly. We have ten minutes until fifth period.”

As Sollux left, Karkat proceeded to take his advice, and he repaired his façade quite quickly. He then headed to class, three minutes ahead of schedule, and right on time to catch a view of the kiss between his brother and Cronus Ampora.

Had he walked around the corner at another time, he would have been spared an unnerving view. But no, he had to catch such an upsetting glance. He then did what anyone else in said situation would have done. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture. The two lovebirds didn’t notice. He thought of saying something, and the words nearly left his mouth before the new kid in his grade, Eridan Ampora, walked around the same corner. Eridan promptly shrieked in a manner reminiscent of a banshee. Both high schoolers jumped, releasing identical cries of dismay.

“Karkat!”

“Eridan!”

And then, in a combined yell,

“You shall mention this to no one!”

At that point in time, both Karkat and Eridan chose to abscond, for they had class in around a minute. Promptly discovering that they both had English as their next class, they discussed the matter before the teacher arrived.

“Was that your brother?”

“Yep. I saw them meet at the park yesterday. Was that yours?”

“Yes, but I couldn’t fathom Cronus being gay.”

“Well, I couldn’t fathom my brother kissing anyone, ever, so I guess we’re on the same page.”

“Are you going to tell your father?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that to Kankri.”

“Neither will I since my father might kick Cronus out for being gay.”

“Oh, man, that sounds bad. Here, want my number in case that happens? You guys can stay at my house, since my father would be fine with it.”

“Sure, thanks.”

The teacher then arrived, cutting them off, but Eridan had Karkat’s number. They had a lifeline for future events, and that kept them from worrying to the point of asphyxiation, yet they still pondered the future, and each decided, to himself, that he would speak to his sibling later that evening. And, soon enough, that time came in the Vantas household.

“Kankri-“

“That never happened. It was simply a trick of the light, and you shall mention this discussion or said event to no one. Do you understand?”

“Relax, will ya? I wasn’t planning on telling Dad anyway.”

“Okay. This discussion is now over.”

“Hold on. I talked to the kid in purple, Cronus’ little brother. He says that Cronus may be kicked out if their father discovers his sexuality. I got Eridan’s number in case that happens, and I assume you have Cronus’. I promised that he could stay at our house if so. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes, of course.”

Later that evening, the aforementioned time came about in the Ampora household.

“Eridan, you must tell no one what you saw. I don’t want to be kicked out.”

“Okay. I talked to Kankri’s little brother, and he said that if that happens, their house is a safe haven for you.”

“Thanks, little brother.” 

The next day at school, Kankri and Cronus met again. They discussed what their brothers had told them, and made a pact. If either were kicked out, they would go to the others’ house. If both were, they would rent an apartment together with their savings. They would both come out on the same day, and Cronus would call Kankri after it was over. The deal was set, and now each found himself with around two weeks to contemplate and worry. Then, the bell rang, and both were summoned to class.

After school, they met again, standing in the courtyard. Kankri invited Cronus over to his house to study. Cronus accepted the invitation, and both set out for a single home. It was a long walk, and Kankri took the opportunity to start a lecture. This soon evolved into a discussion of rights and laws, freedom and prejudice. Cronus’ opinion on racism mirrored Kankri’s, and the discussion was one of aggrement and strategy. By the time that they arrived at Kankri’s house, both had agreed to a plan of justice. This was to be carried out through positions achieved with their maturity. Kankri opened the door, let Cronus in, and saw his father sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey Kankri! I’m home early today. Who’s your friend?”

“Dad, this is Cronus. We were going to work on homework together.”

Mr. Vantas did not make the connection between the subject of his sons’ lectures and the boy standing before him. As the paternal figure announced that he had to keave for a meeting, the two boys walked upstairs, somewhat flustered. They had soon finished their homework and decided to view and discuss the topics shown on the news. Kankri flicked the TV on as Cronus plunked down onto the couch, taking all of the room forthwith. 

“Cronus, would you mind moving aside? There seems to be a lack of space on the couch.”

“Wouldn’t my lap be warmer than a dusty old couch?”

“If you insist.”

Kankri tentatively set himself onto what he assumed was Cronus’ lap. The Ampora quickly grabbed his boyfriend about the middle and stretched them both into a position of cuddling. Kankri didn’t complain. Cronus was indeed rather warm-bodied, and Kankri was indeed rather cold. They lay like this for a large amount of time, watching the news and making occasional remarks on the stupidity of the reporters and state of the country. As two pairs of lips met in the Vantas house, two did the same in the Captor house.

Of course, Sollux and Eridan had simply meant to study. But after seeing the giggly romance of Sollux’s older brother, Mituna, and his girlfriend, Latula, a sarcastic remark slipped out of Sollux’s mouth.

“Jethuth, Eri, I bet that any romanth between uth would be better than that foolith banter that is their “relathonthip”. Latula only thayth with Mituna out of pure pity.”

“Are you saying that you want there to be romance between us?”

“You thaid it, I didn’t. Do you, Ampora?”

“I want romance between us as much as you do.”

And with that, Sollux and Eridan, who had not intended any of this, felt their lips meet. Eridan unconsciously set his arms about the others’ waist, as Sollux intentionally placed his arms about the others’ neck. Mituna and Latula picked that exact moment to walk into the room. Latula placed a hand over Mituna’s mouth, to keep him silent, and expediently snapped a picture, before leading the other slowly out of the room. Sollux and Eridan had no chance of knowing about the picture that would soon become Latula’s best kept secret.

Karkat snuck into the garage, not letting a single sound escape his person. He opened a hidden compartment with great care, removing some of the contents and closing the door silently. He snuck this item to the sink, and proceeded to prepare it with great caution and silence. Soon, he was ready, positioned at the entrance to the living room. He crept in, yelling out.  
“Surprise, Mo- th… er,”he trailed off into silence, astounded with the view before him. The filled water balloon slipped from his hands to a watery death on the floor, completely unnoticed. His brother and Cronus were splayed out before him, poised mid-make out. He left the room, slowly and silently, without snapping a picture first.

At school the next day, Mituna and Latula found themselves being backed into a corner by Muelin Lejion. Before they had a chance to question what was happening, Cronus and Kankri were shoved in next to them by Kurloz Makara. Mituna tried to leave, but was cut off by Kurloz. The four were slowly entrapped by their captors. Then, a hulking figure approached the corner. Gamzee Makara first grabbed Mituna, meaning to subject him to a beating. Latula gave a small yelp, but did not move.

“You having fun, eh, retard?”

Gamzee hissed these words at the small boy that he had grabbed by the front of the collar, and Mituna burst into tears. As was known to most of the school, Mituna had been in a terrible car accident the year before, which had resulted in a traumatic brain injury and amnesia. He was quite sensitive about his injury, and the Makaras knew that.

“I- I’m not re-re-retarded”

That was the only thing he could manage to force out of his tear stained lips. Gamzee promptly punched him once in the nose, and hard. He threw the sobbing boy onto the floor and kicked him. Mituna lay there, crying heavily. Next up was Latula. She suffered a hard blow to the eye, then a hard kick to the stomach, which blew the wind out of her chest. Gamzee left her on the floor, moving on to the next victim. As he twisted Cronus’s arm behind his back, she tried to regain her breath whilst crawling to the still sobbing Mituna. Cronus’s arm gave a loud snap as it broke. Gamzee continued to twist, and with a resounding pop, Cronus’s shoulder was dislocated. One punch to the face, and Cronus was on the floor, clutching his arm in a desperate attempt to avoid crying.

The final candidate for pain and dismay was Kankri. One hard hit to the lower cheek, accompanied by a painful crack, and Kankri’s jaw was out of place. He then received an excruciating blow to the nether regions and collapsed in pain. Their abusers were soon gone, and all were in agony, unable to stand, let alone complete their individual school days. 

By a twist of fate, Sollux, Eridan, and their teacher, Ms. Lalonde, happened upon the four. The sight before them was incredibly grisly. Cronus’s arm was bent into a shape resembling a question mark, Kankri was curled into a ball, blood seeping from his open mouth. Latula heaved, unable to breathe correctly, a problem brought on by several broken ribs. A viscous mixture of tears and blood leaked from her left eye, which was swollen shut. Mituna continued to cry, sobs and PTSD-induced panic attacks wracking his thin frame. 

“Oh God, what happened? Sollux, Eridan, go find Mr. Harley and get him to call an ambulance. I’ll take care of them.

With that, two boys sprinted off, in search of their school principal. Ms. Lalonde comforted and calmed Mituna as best she could, unsure how to tend to then others. Mr. Harley was quickly alerted, and EMS summoned. Students were dismayed, for the arrival of ambulances was not a usual occurrence. Some even left their classes to watch Cronsus, Latula, Mituna, and Kankri receive much needed care. Then, as was unavoidable, parents were called.

“Is this Mr. Vantas?”

“Yes. What seems to be the problem?”

“Your son, Kankri, was found, badly injured, in a school hallway, sir. He has been taken to Westboro Regional Hospital.”

“Oh, dear. Thank you for telling me. I will be over there as fast as I can.”

On another line,

“Is this Ms. Pyrope?”

“Yes, it is. What’s the matter?”

“It seems your daughter, Latula, was badly beaten and injured on campus. She is currently en route to Westboro Regional Hospital.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can leave work.”

In another call,

“Mr. Ampora?”

“Yes?”

“Your son was badly injured in a school attack. He is on the way to Westboro Regional.”

“Okay, I’ll go see him.”

In another household,

“Mr. Captor?”

“Yes? What happened?”

“Mituna was badly injured on campus. He is currently being transported to the hospital.”

“What! Is he okay? Are you sure? I’m on my way over there now.”


	2. In Which A Cliffhanger Is Resolved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self-Harm, Drug Use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. Please don't hate me for the events included in this chapter.

Kankri’s jaw was expediently repaired, but, as it turned out, he had to part with three of his teeth. He was then left to a peaceful, painkiller induced sleep. Latula underwent an emergency operation, which was successful, and she, also, slept. Once Cronus’s arm was in its rightful position, with the help of a cast, he, too, slept. It had taken 50mg of Abilify and half of the psychiatric staff, but Mituna’s PTSD was, at last, under control and his panic attacks subdued. Finally, the last of the four slipped into a deep sleep, the pain of his nose forgotten.  
In three different households, others slept. Mr. Ampora and Eridan Ampora, Cronus’s father and sibling, home from the hospital, napped. Sollux Captor, who was Mituna’s sibling, and Karkat Vantas, who was Kankri’s, both the only inhabitant of their respective households, had each fallen asleep, Karkat at his desk and Sollux in the pile of blankets beneath his bed.  
Gamzee Makara also slept, his doze induced by the marijuana his brother had provided him for his role in today’s beatdown. He was addicted, and had turned to bullying his brother’s enemies in exchange for that which he craved. Kurloz Makara watched him, pleased with his brother’s performance today. He had known form the beginning that they would be caught for this, but with Gamzee in his drugged state, it would be easy enough to peg the whole incident onto his head.   
Kankri, Cronus, Latula, and Mitunagave their statements to the police. In their medically comatose states, they had completely forgotten the presences of Meulin Lejion and Kurloz Makara. Mituna, who had had to be put on a new medicine regimen to control the effects of his head injury and post-traumatic stress, was too woozy to say anything except the name of the main assailant. Kankri was able to give semi-accurate accounts of his and each of his friends’ beatings, and tell what he had heard Gamzee call Mituna.  
“I remember, Gamzee, our attacker. Right before he beat Mituna, he called him something. I think it was re-retarded. Yes, that was it.”  
Latula and Cronus were able to give accounts of their own attacks, but none of anyone else’s. The police had enough information, and soon arrested Gamzee Makara of four counts of battery and assault. Kurloz watched them lead him, handcuffed, to the police car, and chuckled under his breath. Step One of the plan was complete. They would wean him off of his addiction in juvie, and that was good. He would need his brother’s full, unhampered rage for the next step.  
A week passed, people healed, and four particular people were released from the hospital. Latula had gotten a doctor’s approval to stay with Mituna, as it seemed that she was the only one who could halt his sobs. The four re-entered school as Gamzee Makara was finally weaned off of marijuana. He had a year left in Juvenile Detention, and was extremely irritated about it. He tried to campaign for his release on the grounds of substance-caused actions, but to no avail. Several days passed, and a certain day arrived.  
That afternoon, the same thing was on the mind of each Ampora brother. Coming out. They knew that they had to, but they couldn’t bring themselves to actually complete the task, for they knew that it meant being kicked out. Sollux and Eridan both agreed to come out on the same day that Cronus and Kankri had planned. And now, that day had arrived. School was over, and four people felt their hearts leap into their throats. If they didn’t do it now, they might never have another chance.  
“Dad?”  
“Yes, Kankri?”  
“I’ve been thinking about this moment for several months now, and now that it is here, I’m going to take my chance and come out as a homosexual. I have a boyfriend now.”  
“Did you just say that you have a boyfriend? I’m so proud of you! Gay or not, you’re in your first relationship. That makes me very happy!”  
“Okay, thanks for understanding.”   
And in another household across town,  
“Sollux, do you have anything to say.”  
“I am a homothexthual.”  
“We’re sitting at the table.”  
“What?”  
“I apologize, I thought we were crafting statements that were blatantly obvious.”  
“Okay.”  
And, in a third and final household,  
“Dad, I just wanted to tell you that I’m gay. I have a boyfriend.”  
“Get out. You can’t be serious. Eridan, is this a joke?”  
“No, it is not. Also, I’m gay too.”  
“Get out of this house. Both of you, right now. Fags are not allowed on my property. I mean it.  
And with that, two boys were now homeless. Kankri’s phone rang with the call that they both knew was coming. One explanation of events later, and the Vantas family was in the car, driving to pick up Cronus from the road outside of his house. As Cronus was getting in, another car pulled up, and Eridan climbed in. As was the carefully laid plan, both cars took a short drive, and stopped at Kankri and Cronus’ favorite spot in the park. The two families then discussed the plans of whom was staying with whom, and it was agreed that Mr. Vantas would call Child Protective Services in the morning. As for now, the sun was setting, and two cars set out for their homes, each carrying a new and surprisingly permanent passenger.  
Sleep that night was nearly impossible to fathom. Karkat had a plethora of bruises from today’s Makara encounter, and found that it was somewhat painful to move. Curled together in Kankri’s bed, two boys found that their worries were too plentiful for sleep. Both lay, one’s head planted in the other’s hair, the others on their chest. As a fringe of light touched the horizon, both found sleep at last. Karkat also reached sleep, which he drifted in and out of, in various states of pain each time he awoke. Mr. Vantas, thoughts of Child Protective Services dancing through his head, did not sleep well either.  
The next morning, a call of dire importance was placed. Child Protective Services had agreed to pay a visit to both households that afternoon, and subsequently, both were in a furor of madness. Paperwork and files were to be arranged, documents splayed onto tables with cautious nerve. Contusions and scrapes were to be carefully medicated and bandaged, save the inspectors see a drop of blood. Carpets, flooring, tables, and chairs were scoured of every last speck of dirt, as was in such a household. Finally, the paperwork was complete, the house cleaned, and no sign of plausible injury detectable on anyone. All was ready, and, in due time, the CPS inspectors had arrived.  
In the Vantas household, three boys waited, terrified of the jurisdiction to come. The debate in the main room continued for around an hour, and the tension mounted in the next room over, the kitchen, where the three sat. Soon, an agreement was reached. Mr. Vantas held custody of the three, until Mr. Ampora could be contacted and his rights removed. The Amporas had no next of kin, so, if all went well, Cronus would be given the right to live with the Vantas, as a foster child, until he turned eighteen. One exponentially long call later, it was decided that the same would be set for the Captors and Eridan. CPS soon departed, leaving two families to wonder about the future.  
Eridan and Sollux decided on a celebratory videogame tournament, Mituna included. Three hours later, Skyrim became boring, and Mituna left for skateboarding lessons with Latula. The two switched to Call of Duty as Mr. Captor left, in search of the proper supplies for the care of their household’s new addition. As was the usual, Sollux won. Again. And again. Five short hours after the inspectors had departed their residence, Eridan didn’t want to play videogames any longer. Sollux was fine with this development, and their conversation slowly deteriorated into cuddling. They lay there for a while, the lips of one occasionally brushing against those of the other. And that was where Mituna and Latula found them, asleep.  
Mituna was insistent on watching TV, so, instead of moving to another room, Latula promptly upended the couch and its occupants.  
“Tuna! What wath that for? You could have jutht athked, and we would have moved!”  
Mituna’s reply was cut short by a disgruntled yell originating for the mouth of the Ampora, who, in the process of upheaval, had become entrapped in the thick fabric of his own clothing. His scarf had somehow knotted around his cape, confining him to a bundle of fabric. Mituna and Latula simply stared at the writhing cocoon of agony on the floor, as Sollux wandered off in search of a pair of scissors. It took a good half of an hour and much damage to Eridan’s scarf, but thankfully not cape, to release the boy from his fabric snare of pain and despair. In the meantime, Mituna and Latula had wandered off to who knows where, busying themselves with who knows what.  
In another household, two boys reclined on the couch and discussed the state of current affairs. Karkat watched them, camera at the ready. If those two decided to kiss, it would be posted, in full resolution, on every social media site he could possibly find. Karkat snickered to himself, contemplating his brother’s demise. Then, his stomach grumbled in a plea for food. Praying that Cronus and Kankri had not heard it, he crept stealthily downstairs, in search of an expedient source of nutrition. Cronus and Kankri, who had seen him enter the room, watched him leave. They took the short amount of time that Karkat’s absence provided them to exchange a passionate kiss. When Karkat re-entered the room, he had absolutely no clue.  
“Karkat, Cronus and I are attempting to have a conversation. Would you mind allowing us some privacy?”  
Karkat chose that moment in time to abscond. He ran to his room, slammed the door shut, and locked it as fast as he could. He plopped onto his bed in a state of dismay, wondering what was to become of him now that he had been caught snooping. Would they tell on him? Would they gossip about him? Karkat lay down, in an all-too-familiar state of dismay and anxiety.   
Why would you be so sloppy? You were just going to get caught eventually. You’re a failure. You probably disgust everyone you know.  
Great. Now the voice was back. He couldn’t take it any longer. The pressure of anxiety, the weight of depression, and the burden of schizophrenia, all undiagnosed, overwhelmed him. Crying silently, as not to be heard by Kankri, he carefully slid open the hidden drawer of his desk. There, below him, were what he had promised he would never so much as think about again. But he had failed, and he wrapped his arm in the raggedy, bloodstained towel before delicately selecting a razor from the pile below.   
Cut deeper this time. You can always blame it on Makara. You are a lousy, ungrateful slob. You should be ashamed. This is better than the punishment you deserve, you prick.  
His vision grew faint and his arms weak, and he decided to put the razor away for now. After one more cut. It was at that point in time that Cronus finished picking the door’s lock. He and Kankri had heard Karkat crying, and, on a whim, had decided to check on him. Kankri gave a sharp gasp, but Karkat was crying too hard to notice. The older brother ran to his sibling and tore the razor blade out of his clammy hands. Their visitor stood back, puzzled on the matter of what to do. Kankri lightly scooped his little brother off of his feet and began to carry him downstairs.  
“Cronus, dear, would you mind cleaning the mess up?”  
“Sure, sweetheart.”  
And with that, a shell-shocked Ampora took to cleaning up a bloody mess. First, the towel was used to wipe the blood off of the floor. Then, the razors were wrapped in the towel, which was then set aside. Another towel was used to ensure the cleanliness of the tile. Finally, the bloody towel and razors were taken outside and promptly disposed of. As Cronus set about to hiding all sharps in the house, Kankri cared for his sibling. He bandaged Karkat’s cuts, making sure that the bleeding stopped. He carried the younger boy to the couch, and made him rest. Karkat was given a snack and video game, and both of their tasks completed, two boys together called their parental unit.  
“Dad?”  
“Yes, Kankri? You sound stressed. What’s the matter?”  
“Cronus- Cronus and I- we, we caught Karkat self-, self-harming.”  
“Oh God. Is he safe? Does he need to go to the ER?”  
“Maybe. He doesn’t look very good. We’ve got him on the couch, but I’m afraid he’ll attempt to leave and pass out.”  
“Take him to the hospital. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  
As Karkat slipped in and out of consciousness, Cronus gently carried him to Kankri’s car, which Kankri had running. They lay him in the back seat, Cronus taking shotgun, and drove off. Kankri went as fast as was allotted under traffic restrictions, carefully driving the whole way, so not to bump Karkat and cause his wounds to reopen. When they arrived at the hospital, Karkat was quickly carted off to a room, and the two boys told to wait. Soon enough, Mr. Vantas arrived, and decided that the two were best off at home, with less to stress over. They complied. They were on the ride home when Cronus asked a question.  
“Hey, sweet, got any rom-coms?”  
“I believe that my father has one or two squirreled away somewhere. Why do you ask?”  
“Oh, it’s just that romance movies are the best way to take your mind off of something.”  
“Okay. I think I know where a particularly horrendous one can be found.”   
Once the two arrived at the house, Kankri set off in search of said movie, and, eventually, found it. Cronus made popcorn and the two sat down as Kankri clicked play. The movie was, in fact, quite horrendous. Mountains of despicable grammar and cheesy jokes left the two laughing at the movie. A faulty premise and erroneous portrayals helped them forget about that night’s events, and, soon, Kankri had drifted off to sleep, his head at rest on Cronus’s shoulder. Cronus didn’t mind at all, and, in fact, as the credits on the screen subsided into darkness, he, too, fell asleep. And there they lay, two lovers, entwined in their rest, with their troubles, past and present, completely forgotten.  
Hours drifted by, slowly, with the other members of said family also deep in sleep, reclining in hospital waiting room chairs and hospital beds. Karkat was in stable condition, yet would be required to spend more time in the physical and mental wings of the hospital. And, for that part of the world, morning arrived. Though it was far from the time at which the Vantases would wake up, two members of another household had begun to stir. Soon enough, the Captor family had arisen and begun their day. Next thing you know, though it was a Sunday morning, there was work to be done for the adults of the household. The children were left with a menial task. They were required to fix a broken bowl with previously provided Superglue.  
Sollux Captor, however, intended to use the super sticky substance for other tasks. Eridan agreed, with some contempt, yet the deed was planned. The wall was soon coated in a thin layer of tacky glue, and just on time. Mituna and Latula came into the room, planning to assist with the task. Mituna then leaned up against the wall in his favorite position, rapidly adhering himself to the wall and becoming the victim of the boys’ devious prank. He soon noticed that he could not move, releasing a cry at which the two pranksters burst into laughter. They attempted to leave their places, so to tease him, but they soon found that, in their erotic ecstasy, Sollux had become fastened to a chair by his shirt, his hands immovable from the table and chair back, respectively. Eridan, by fate, had become entrapped again in his cape, his bare feet glued soundly to the wooden floor.  
Latula ceased her efforts to free the now bawling Mituna, and began to stare down the perpetrators. She then, promptly, picked up the offending item, in imitation of the deceitful lawyers from her sister’s crime shows, meaning to install a sense of fear in the now captive pranksters. Next, she found that a glue drip running down the bottle had attached her hand to the object. Releasing a cry of anguish, she began to talk.  
“Superglue is not a toy, and because of your actions, Eridan is glued to the floor, Sollux to the chair, and Mituna to the wall, as well as myself to the bottle. We have approximately six hours until the adults return, and only one of us is mobile, not to mention the efforts that will be needed to detach us. I have glue on my other hand as well, so I can’t wash it off or procure food. Therefore, it is going to be quite a long six hours.”  
And with that, she took a seat at the table. And, indeed, the six hours were, in fact, quite long. They sat (or stood, in Mituna and Eridan’s cases) and waited, cheerful banter soon digressing into complaints of tiredness and hunger. The four presented quite a shock to the returning adults, as such adults were met with equal cries of joy and desperation as they entered. Unbeknownst to them, it would take several hours and a plethora of nail polish remover to detach the four. After this was complete, the four proceeded to gorge themselves on fast food, then fall sound asleep.  
In another place, at another time, two boys had finally awoken from their romance-movie induced slumber. They proceeded to complete the needed tasks that allotted to the daily ritual of preparing oneself for the outside world. They finally left for the hospital at around 10 in the morning, a full hour before the aforementioned events began to take place. Karkat was stable, and doing well. He would be moved to the hospital’s psychiatric ward next week, when he had had time to heal. He would spend an estimated month recovering in the second ward, as it had to be ensured that these events would not take place again. The two boys managed to coerce Mr. Vantas into returning to the house in time for lunch, which was KFC.  
It was a quiet afternoon in the Vantas household, and the day slowly subsided into night. Finally, we have reached the place in time where we halted before, as five people in one household, and three in another, sleep soundly. Eridan and Sollux are sharing the couch, Eridan’s head buried in Sollux’s hair. Mituna and Latula lay, cuddling. Cronus’s face is deeply entrenched in the fabric of his significant other’s shirt, both snoring softly. The two adults are sleeping by themselves, as they have done for most of their lives. Karkat is folded deep into the arms of sleep itself, albeit with the assistance of painkillers. All in all, all is well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, please don't hate me for this. It gets better (I think).


	3. The Holidays Come And Go (With A Little Help From A Demon)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shenanigans, shoplifting, falling in love, demon summoning, and gift giving take place. Latula gets an unpleasant surprise. TW: Drug Use, Violence, Demons

Our frugal cast of characters is still mostly asleep, but, let us venture to a house where it is not quite so. This is the residence of the Lejions. Nepeta Lejion has joined Feferi Pixies in the den of the house for another of their sleepovers, and Kurloz Makara and Muelin Lejion are standing together in their basement, admiring their work. But, first, let us check upon two girls and their sleepover, as they are deciding what color to paint their nails. They agree on a subtle pink, and as one (Nepeta) leans in to better reach the nails of her partner, their lips press together. 

Both react with a startled jump, but do not proceed to move their lips from their current positions. Feferi takes the incentive to deepen the kiss, and Nepeta places her arms about her partner’s waist. The two lie like that for a long period of time, before they are interrupted by the ravenous gurgling of Feferi’s stomach. They break the kiss in order to venture for food, and end up back in the den, lights off, movie on, cuddling, with a bowl of popcorn between them. Their lips meet several more times as the movie progresses.

Back in the basement, Kurloz lights candles as Muelin draws with chalk. Once her pentagram and runes are complete, they place the candles in their allotted positions in the ring. Now, it is time for the final step. Kurloz extracts a small burlap bag from a hidden compartment and expediently removes the contents, quickly disposing of the bag. In his hand is a miniature kitten, picked up off of the side of the road. In distress at its strange surroundings, it mewls soflty.

Muelin hands Kurloz a sharp knife, ruby-encrusted blade gleaming with merciless sharpness. Kurloz expediently slits the kittens’ throat, letting the vibrant crimson blood fall in pearls to a small wooden bowl. The kitten mewls louder and louder, releasing its final, desperate, dying cries out into the world as its velvet red life-force pools in the wooden bowl below. With one final shriek of dismay, the kitten goes limp with the absence of life, the powerful, all-consuming force of death. Kurloz wraps its small body in the burlap, and Muelin expediently disposes of its corpse, neither of them partaking in any grief. 

Together, they smear the liquid red onto the runes, drawing out pictographs and charting exaltations to a deadly force. When this is complete, the two stand up, together, and chant in a familiar rhythm,

“Abu se takae. Nomo se takae. Bitu se takae. Tira se takae.”

Again and again they chant these words, until a red swirling can be seen above their handiwork and a deep, booming voice can be heard.

“What do you require of the great Lucifer, mere mortals?”

At this, both kneel, and say in unison,

“Oh, great Lucifer, we wish to partake in eternal life. Are our past deeds enough to warrant such an honor?”

“I am afraid not. You know the rules. 100 murders and 1,000 injuries for the both of you before immortality can be granted. Your total is 13 murders, 202 injuries.”

And with that, the red swirling disintegrated, the candles blew out, and the blood runes were vaporized, leaving nothing but unlit candles and inane chalk scratches. The two quickly gathered the candles, stowing them in the aforementioned hidden compartment. They then plodded upstairs to rest in Kurloz’ bed, both falling asleep almost instantaneously. Summoning demons was, in fact, hard work. The other couple in the house had also fallen asleep, to the tune of The Lion King. Thankfully, they had gone under before the tragic death scene, and were, therefore, spared from the tears it brought. And with that, all of the characters that I have introduced so far, slept.

Morning came soon for all of them, too soon, in fact. As Feferi and Nepeta walked to school, they found themselves engaged in a yawn-fest. Cronus fell asleep during the car ride to school, prompting a disdainful glance from Kankri. During breakfast in the Captor household, Eridan’s head did not lift once form Sollux’s shoulder, and, whilst Latula was in the bathroom, Mituna’s head fell directly into his bowl of cereal. Latula would have been right out to assist him, yet she had her own predicament to deal with. She held back tears of dismay as she stared down at the positive pregnancy test in her disdainful clutches.

Soon enough, she was able to regain enough of her composure to daringly venture out into the breakfast room. As soon as she saw Mituna snoring, head planted in his food, she forgot her woes in lieu of assisting him. It would take a large amount of effort from them all to get themselves to school, but, in the end, their efforts were successful. It was a long day. Mituna fell asleep in class twice, Eridan once, and Feferi once. Latula and Cronus found themselves close to sleep often, yet managed to resist the taunting temptation of rest. As for the others, it was, as I said before, a long day.

As soon as homework was finished and dinner was eaten, eight people collapsed into the wonder that is slumber. All found themselves in dreamless peace, except for Latula. She tossed and turned, her mind plagued by a sense of disdain. How, exactly, she wondered, would she go about announcing or otherwise sharing the news that caused her unrest? Would she share this with her mother as part of a light conversation, or as a big announcement? What would the reaction be? And, most importantly, what would become of her? All of these things she puzzled over, before subsiding, at last, into a peaceful slumber.

The next day would not be as hard as the last. As all were well rested, there would be no temptation to sleep. The classwork would be moderate, the homework light. And now, let us watch as a young girl steps into her car, preparing to deliver important news to her mother. The drive is quick for Latula, as the Pyropes and Captors live in the same neighborhood. She parks the car in the driveway of the large house, and uses the key in her pocket to let herself inside.

She then calls for her mother. Ms. Pyrope heeds her daughter’s call, and, seeing the look of regretful disdain on the child’s face, she quickly rushes to aid the stammering girl. Once Latula has taken one of the chairs in their study, she prepares herself to deliver the painful news. She does this by handing her mother the test, which she brought along simply for this purpose. Her mother inhales sharply as she glares at the object that her daughter has handed her, a painful realization nearly causing her to faint. She emits a startled cry, and collapses with weight of the news. Latula waits impatiently, ready for her mother’s reply. This finally comes, yet in a state of shock.

“L-latula why?”

“It was a mistake.”

“Well, you’re going to have to deal with this on your own. Now, I will invite you to leave this house so I may have some time to think.”

Latula abided her mother’s ruling. She quickly scampered out of the abode, in fear of what was to come. Ms. Pyrope decided upon having her daughter stay at the Captor residence for the duration of gestation, and with several phone calls, this was set. Ms. Pyrope then set about announcing this to the remainder of the family.

“Terezi, Latula’s going to stay at the Captor’s for about nine months, or until her baby comes. Do you understand why?” 

In shock at the news, Terezi quickly scampered upstairs. In a whispered confession, she told her friend, Vriska Serket, who was visiting at the time, what her mother had told her. Vriska promised to keep the news secret, in exchange for one thing. When Terezi asked what, exactly, she wanted, she responded with,

“A kiss.”

Terezi, startled and just now realizing that her crush liked her back, kissed Vriska on the lips. Vriska kissed back, and soon the two were cuddling on the couch, whispering confessions of their love into the ear of their partner. Soon, though, it was time for Vriska to leave, as she had to be home in time for dinner, and the two girls promised to call each other when they had finished eating, as they both had finished their homework in class. Their phone conversation was one of giggling and whispered secrets, as both girls enjoyed the ecstasy of love.

As this took place, two adults engaged in a much more serious discussion. Mr. Captor had called Ms. Pyrope after receiving the news, and the two discussed what was to become of Latula. It was a grim discussion, sprinkled with small mentions of what wouls happen to Mituna. They decided that Latula and Mituna were going to have to support their child on their own, and make their own decisions once the child came. It was a heavy topic for the both of them, as they both knew that, with this, they would be dooming their child to a life of hardship and pain.

Sollux and Eridan took the news badly, as both swore that they could have prevented this from happening. They discussed what would happen to Sollux’s sibling and the couple that had become a staple of their relationship, and decided to help the two in any way they could. This included babysitting, gifts, and assistance in finding work, for they knew that Mituna and Latula would be kicked out upon the birth. For now, they agreed to start delivering newspapers to earn much needed money for the couple. It was a very selfless act, yet both were completely devoted to this pledge.

Latula turned her concentration towards a Christmas gift for her lover. She had purchased a prop helmet from Mituna’s favorite video game several days before, and now, she secured it in an androgynous box and plain, green, gift wrap. Mituna had also gotten Latula a present. He had procured for her a brand new skateboard, as he knew that she loved skateboarding. Neither knew of the other’s gift, or the gifts that Sollux and Eridan, in conjunction, had prepared for them. Using their combined savings, the two had bought a matching set of rings for the lovers.

Mituna had planned to give Sollux a special pair of glasses, color-coded to hide his heterochromia. Sollux had one blue eye and one red eye, and often received stares for this. Latula had gotten, for him, a new stylus set for his DS. Eridan would be receiving a new scarf from Latula, and a matching beanie from Mituna. Mituna did not yet know about the beanie, as Latula had gotten both for a conjoined present from the both of them. Mr. Captor had bought tacky Christmas sweaters for all of them as, a gag gift.

In another household, across town, Kankri Vantas was sitting in his room, working on his present to Cronus, for Christmas was a short three weeks away. He was writing an essay confessing his undying love for the object of his affections, and he was already three thousand words in. The final draft was planned to be an estimated ten thousand words long, accompanied by a small, silver ring that Kankri had purchased several days prior. Cronus was also working on his present for Kankri. It was a video montage designed to convey a message of unending love, accompanied by a small, golden bracelet. Neither knew the similarities of their present to the others’ yet both meant everything that their gifts portrayed.

Kankri and Cronus, in conjunction, had decided that everyone else on their lists would be receiving gift cards for Christmas. For Karkat, $25 for video games, for Mr. Vantas, $25 towards groceries, for Mituna, Latula, Sollux, and Eridan, each got a $25 gift card for use at Hot Topic. With this, everyone got presents, at the cost of a fraction of the money Kankri had earned writing stories, columns, and articles for various magazines. Both knew that this was a sacrifice of crucial, hard-earned dollars, yet neither cared.

Karkat, still confined to a hospital bed, had bought various video games as gifts to the Captor brood online, gotten ten copies of Grease to give, in ten differently sized boxes. His father would be receiving a new pair of shoes as his gift. In another area of town, Muelin Lejion and Kurloz Makara were packaging the various novels that had been cleverly shoplifted from Barnes and Noble. Pride and Prejudice for Ms. Lejion, Watership Down for Mr. Makrara (they were betting on how long it would take him to realize that it was about rabbits), Warrior Cats for Nepeta, and a copy of Stephen King’s It for the younger Makara (Gamzee liked clowns, and he could use an intellectual challenge).

Nepeta had painted a painting for each of her friends and relatives, each a portrait of the subject, since Nepeta was quite the artist. Feferi had, in the same vein as Nepeta’s work, produced a stuffed plush of each of the recipient’s favorite animals. For Nepeta, she had made an extra-large cat, as Nepeta had made her painting larger than the rest. Gamzee and Mr. Makara weren’t giving any presents, due to Gamzee’s incarceration and Mr. Makara’s drug-caused ineptude, as was the usual. And with this, we have seen every characters’ gift, both giving and receiving. 

Now, it seems that time has been fast-forwarded. Decorations go up around neighborhoods, students buzz about schools, and a rush of shoppers can be seen exiting and entering stores, all at a faster pace than normal. Day turns to night, then to day, then to night again. Sow falls, melts, and falls again. And, finally, time seems to slow back to normal. It is Christmas Eve. Cookies and milk are left out, lights are turned on, and all of our characters drift slowly into a world of slumber. Karkat is still in the hospital, yet it is the psychiatric wing instead of the physical wing. Gamzee is still incarcerated. 

Time passes. It is now Christmas morning. Presents are opened and received, and shouts of joy can be heard. The gift of ten copies of Grease is laughed over, and so are the tacky sweaters. Cronus and Kankri quite enjoyed their presentations respectively, and vowed to wear their new jewelry for the rest of their days. Mituna loved his helmet, refusing to take it off, even to eat. Both Sollux and Eridan did the same with their new clothing articles. The gift cards went over well, as did the books. All enjoyed their paintings and plushes, especially Nepeta and Feferi. All in all, Christmas was a day of warmth and happiness.

It is the next day. Two people in particular, Kurloz Makara and Muelin Lejion, rise early. Muelin sneaks out and starts the rather quick journey to Kurloz’s house. Once she has arrived, the two re-enter the basement. This time, it is a new spell, one meant to summon an accomplice for assistance with devious deeds. Muelin knows these runes well, and has them chalked quite quickly. Out comes another kitten and the same wooden bowl. As Kurloz does the job, he is careful not to spill a single drop of vibrant crimson lifeblood. This kitten gives up its life in exchange for the painless void of death faster than the kitten before it.

Soon, a demon has been bound to Kurloz and Muelin, simply for the purpose of assisting with their devious deeds. It is a lower-level demon, so it lacks power and strength, yet it is still capable of the help needed. As Nepeta begins to stir, Muelin re-enters the Lejion household and pretends to have just awakened. She is a convincing actress and no one, not even Mr. Makara, suspects a single thing.

The others have a slightly less eventful morning. Latula has been bedridden with morning sickness, and Mituna waits at her bedside, patiently, as day subsides into night. Soon, it is New Year’s and all five households have a quiet night, save Eridan and Sollux’s six-hour video game marathon. Sollux, master gamer, lets his boyfriend win this one. By one in the morning on January first, all of our characters have slipped into slumber, awaiting the next days’ events.

It is now morning, and as Latula regurgitates her breakfast, Kankri and Cronus decide to partake in one of Cronus’ favorite activities, thrift shopping. Each take with them only the bus fare and twenty dollars, and, soon, they have arrived at their destination. In front of them stand the doors to the Goodwill. They enter, and immediately, Cronus spots something, leaving Kankri to wander the aisles, in search of a choice object. And suddenly, there it is, a 1960’s greaser motorcycle jacket, the perfect gift for Cronus. Kankri quickly buys it, hoping Cronus hasn’t seen it, and wraps it up so that it cannot be seen. He then walks over to where Cronus is standing.

“Sweetheart, I got you a gift.” 

“Awesome. I did the same for you.”

They ride the bus home, eagerly awaiting their chances to present to the other their gift. As soon as they arrive at the Vantas residence, they swap bags. Cronus gasps upon seeing the jacket, immediately pulls it out, and puts it on. Kankri slowly extracts his brand new red sweater. It is his favorite color, and he has been needing a new one. Both are overjoyed at their gifts, and, like their jewelry, pledge to wear the items indefinitely.


	4. Big News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even more shenanigans, and several big surprises.

The day does not go as well in the Captor residence. Latula vomits up whatever she attempts to eat, and Mituna has a crying fit when Sollux takes his helmet. The helmet is swiftly returned, due to the intervention of a parental unit. Once Mituna has been calmed, said parental unit has decided to finally tell him the reason for Latula’s sickness. It takes a while, and plenty of dialogue, to prepare for the announcement.

“Mituna, honey, we finally figured out why Latula’s been so sick lately.”

“Is she gonna d-die? Please don’t let her die!”

“No, she’ll be fine. The reason she’s sick is because she’s expecting a baby. Your baby.”

“W-what?”

“You heard me.”

“N-no, this can’t be happening. What have I done?”

“Shh, it’ll be okay, you’ll be alright. You’ll be fine.”

“But, what, what’ll happen to her? What’ll happen to me?”

“You’ll figure it out as you go along. But for now, you’ll be perfectly fine.”

“O-o-okay. May I go talk to her?” 

“Yes, of course.”

And with that, Mituna left his father sitting alone in the room and pondering what Mituna had gotten himself into. Mr. Captor could hear them talking in the next room over. He sighed, and left the room, meaning to busy himself with finding a suitable apartment for the couple. Mituna’s discussion with Latula, however, was not as comforting.

“He told you?”

“Y-yes”

“I’m sorry.”

“B-but what’ll we do? I’m scared.”

“I don’t know. But, in any case, we’ll get an apartment, jobs, and a kid to take care of. It’ll be hard, but we can manage.”

At that point, Mituna was so overwhelmed that he had to leave the room. Tears began to flow down his cheeks, streams becoming rivers, rivers becoming torrents. Sobs wracked his thin frame. Latula was unable to go and comfort him, as she was busy regurgitating her lunch. Sollux and Eridan were out, signing up for the newspaper delivery service. Mr. Captor was on the phone, and it was an important call. And, so, he was left alone, senses overloaded to the point of inducing tears. He remained in this state until Sollux and Eridan had returned and were able to calm him. 

The next morning, which was not without tears, was Sollux and Eridan left at the crack of dawn to begin their work. It was quick, albeit hard, work, and the two found themselves back at the Captor residence before the others had awoken. They showered in turns, then came downstairs, tired already, to begin breakfast. Soon, two bowls of cereal were set out on the table, accompanied by an apple each. Breakfast was eaten, people awoke, and, soon, a car had departed the house, beginning the perilous journey that was the ride to school.

The day at school, had, at least, some semblance of a normal atmosphere. Mituna kept near Latula, as was normal, but in quite a physically clingy way, which was indeed rather unusual. Sollux looked very tired, as usual, yet Eridan looked the same way, as was not normal. There were, for certain, whispers, but no one in particular was strongly disturbed by the changes. Finally, the burden of school- and homework was lifted off of the backs of the four, which turned out to be a great relief, as all were rather tired. Shortly after dinner, one by one succumbed to the throes of slumber. And for now, all was peaceful.

Time passed, and a certain day arrived for Cronus Ampora and Kankri Vantas. Tis was the day of Karkat’s release from the psychiatric ward. Mr. Vantas drove him home, where he was greeted with a badly made cake and a small celebration orchestrated by the lovebirds. Karkat was not amused by these shenanigans, and promptly earned himself a short lecture on gratitude for saying so. Still, the elder family members abided by his words, and the rest of the night was indeed rather uneventful. Karkat crept up to his room, his mind burdened by the looming mountain of makeup work soon to be pressed upon him. But, for now, he slept.

The next day was, thankfully, a Saturday. Mituna had planned a video game tournament with his so-called friend, Kurloz Makara, who had already plotted his demise. Latula had a doctors’ appointment. Eridan and Sollux had recently come into possession of the newest video game, TGTA60, three one-liter bottles of Mountain Dew, and, to complete the irony, two full-size bags of Doritos. They had made a bet, with the prize being five dollars, of who would fall asleep first. Both planned to last for at least 18 hours, with time after that being highly disregarded. 

Latula drove a borrowed car down the highway, nervous for her appointment. She soon arrived and was told to wait. Whispers were exchanged about and fingers pointed at the youngest girl in the clinic. It was almost a relief to hear the nurse call her name, yet the butterflies in her stomach were at their worst yet as she walked down the brightly-lit corridor and into a small room. The doctor had her lie on a metal table, then pushed up the bottom edge of her shirt. She used an ultrasound wand to probe the small lump in Latula’s stomach that she had become increasingly aware of over the past week.

“Looks good to me. Come back next month and we might be able to tell the gender.”

With that, the frightened girl left the room, wondering how she was going to tell her friends at school about the lump that had been there for about 8 weeks now. She decided to continue to put the announcement off until she was asked a question about her apparent weight gain. She knew of the stigma, bullying, and snickers as she walked past that were to come, but faced it bravely. She was going to make sure that this all went well for Mituna, as well as protecting the three of them.

Eridan ended up losing the bet, as he could only use his caffeinated sugar rush to propel him through twenty straight hours of gaming. Sollux, who normally played for 30 hours on the weekends, before falling into a deep sleep for the remaining eighteen, decided to pause the game as Eridan drifted off. He carried his slumbering boyfriend to their shared bed, where he succumbed to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The two slept peacefully, as did most of the other members of the household, seeing as it was currently 10pm on a Sunday night. The only exception was Latula. She lay awake, deciding on whether or not to tell her friends the news when the next day rolled around. By 11, she had made her decision.

The next day, Meenah Pixies walked home from school in shock. Her BFF and crush, Aranea Serket, who was coincidentally Virska’s older sister, had confided in her. She had sworn never to mention Latula’s secret to anyone, yet she had had her fingers crossed behind her back as she vowed secrecy. Soon, the news of Latula and Mituna’s child would be all over social media, which Aranea believed was too convoluted, and Latula had never had any intrest in. By dinnertime, the entire school would be in the know.

As the week progressed, this turned out to be a very bad thing for Latula. Her peers accosted her, in search of explanations, as well as some of the more outgoing teachers. Nicknames began to pop up, and soon, people were confronting her, demanding to know the name of the child’s father. She gave this information to no one, for fear that it would jeopardize Mituna’s already rickety reputation. Next thing she knew, she was being catcalled in the hallways and lectured to by adventurous teachers, plus concerned peers. She was hearing ‘get an abortion’ more than ‘Hi, Latula’, and for that reason, the stubbornness inside of her decided against aborting.

Weeks passed, and as each flew by, Eridan Ampora disliked his self-image more and more. He had always pictured his grown-up self in a way that looked more like the women that his father brought home on dates than his father himself. He had borrowed a crop top and skirt that one of his dad’s dates had left at his house, and, since said date was a small woman, the clothes fit perfectly. The pictures from this event were stored on his computer, which still resided in the Ampora household. He hoped with all of his being that his dad didn’t click on the file called “March”, and see those particular pictures.

Finally, he came to the realization that what he really wanted was nothing other than to be a girl. She chose a new name, Erida, but she knew that people wouldn’t call her that without knowledge of her transition. She finally made the decision to tell her boyfriend.

“Sollux, I’ve been feeling more female than male for a while now, and would appreciate if you used the name Erida and female pronouns.”

“Cool. We can go to the Target down the street and get you some new clothes if you want.”

And with that, the two left in search of a new wardrobe. It was soon found and bought with money that the two had earned delivering papers. Erida felt bad to be using the money that they had saved for Mituna and Latula for this task, but Sollux dismissed it, claiming that the two had gotten themselves into this mess alone, and that they would do whatever was needed for Erida.

It was easy enough to come out to Mr.Captor, as he worked with psychiatric patients, and, therefore, knew all about the illness of dysphoria. Mituna, being the only other person at home, for Latula was at another doctors’ appointment, was much harder to convince. He believed in the basic social construct of gender that is usually established at a younger age, as he was somewhat developmentally delayed. Soon enough, though, he understood the basic concepts of the transition. A series of doctors’ appointments was scheduled to help Erida transition, and all was well.

In another household, dubious events were about to transpire. Karkat, ever the malicious prankster, had placed a full bag of flour on the top edge of a slightly ajar door, waiting for Kankri and Cronus to attempt to pass through. To ensure this, he called out for the two, knowing that, since his recovery was still in progress and they were worried for his safety, they would heed his call quite quickly. There was only a single door which provided access to the room in which Karkat awaited, and, therefore, the success of the prank was almost guaranteed. The two did arrive rather expediently, Kankri in the lead, and the door was quickly shoved open, upsetting the bag of flour and dispersing its contents onto the two boys. Karkat gave out a burst of uncontrollable laughter at the incredible success of his japery as Kankri emitted a loud cry of discontent and disgust.

Karkat had earned himself an hours’ worth of cleaning and a very long lecture on wastefulness. He had known that this would happen, yet had decided beforehand that it was worth getting to cover his older brother and said brothers’ boyfriend in a large amount of flour. He was rethinking that decision right about now, as Kankri lectured him on the importance of conserving resources, as he had very recently caused the spillage of a multitude of one of said resources onto the floor.

Latula was now at fifteen weeks, or three eighths of the total time. And, yet again, she had a doctors’ appointment. This time, they were in fact able to tell the gender. Of the first baby. The second one, they couldn’t see just yet. Latula was devastated. How was she to care for and support twins and Mituna all on her own? This was going to be one hell of a journey, starting with the informing of her mother, who would be quite irate at what Latula had gotten herself into. Ms. Pyrope was, in fact, dismayed at the consequences of Latula’s shenanigans, as were Mr. Captor, Erida, and Sollux. Now, she only had Mituna left to tell, as she planned on announcing this to her peers at a later time.

“Hey, Mituna, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“Remember the baby?”

“Oh hell no.”

“We have the gender now. It’s a girl. As for her twin, we can’t tell just yet.”

And with that, Mituna burst into another round of dismay-induced tears. This time, it would take everything that Latula could do to calm him down. He didn’t want to be responsible for two lives, much less his own. Three hours later, as he lay against Latula on the couch, he sniffled slightly as the two (or four, depending on whether or not you are pro-life, and regard slightly-less-than-half-developed fetuses as sapient beings,) sat on the couch and watched TV.

And now, for the final surprise. Muelin Lejion was not happy with recent developments, developments that put her in much of the same spot as Latula. As it turns out, omniscient demons do not work as protection, and our story gains another positive pregnancy test, as well as some signed out curses, as Muelin is completely deaf. Kurloz reacted greatly to what Muelin told him via sign language, and vowed that the baby would be linked to a network of demons from birth, and grow up to become the ultimate human being, a destroyer of worlds. Muelin agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I tried.


End file.
